Rabbi Weiss
Vayeilekh – Shabbat Shuvah 2012
We could learn much from these categories not just about how to seek forgiveness but also about how to grant it.
The sages explain that there are three types of sin. Chet literally means to miss the mark, as in archery. It refers to a sin you did not mean to commit. You spoke without thinking and insulted a friend, or you accused someone of stealing and then later remembered you had taken the money, not the other person. It is a sin committed out of insensitivity or negligence. Ahvon (with a long “o” vowel) refers to a sin committed as a result of giving in to temptation. We knew at the time what we did was wrong but we could not stop ourselves. The girl was too beautiful; the money too easy to take. Pesha, the third term for sin, refers to wrongs we commit deliberately and willingly, on principle. You deliberately ate that ham sandwich in front of a religious Jew to upset him; or you refuse on principle to give charity. Rather than temptation, pesha reflects willful rebellion.
Similarly, the rabbis tell us there are three types of forgiveness. If we come before God sincerely on Yom Kippur we should desire to set right our wrongs through restitution. Having done that, and confessed and sought forgiveness, we hope we will avert any punishment for our deeds and once again be able to draw close to those we had hurt and to God and feel pure. But we may not always achieve that high a level of repentance, so during our Yom Kippur prayers we will plea s’lach lanu (forgive us), m’chal lanu (absolve us), kaper lanu (atone for us). S’lach lanu – forgive us, means accept us back fully in love and allow us to feel pure again. This is the highest form of forgiveness. And if we cannot feel pure again after what we have done then at least m’chal lanu – absolve us of any punishment for our wrongdoing. And if we do not merit being freed of the consequence of our action then at least kaper lanu – atone for us, that is, accept our restitution so that we can make a new beginning.
Finallly, there are two types of teshuvah (repentance). The first is teshuvah me-yir’ah – repentance out of fear. The second is teshuvah me-ahavah – repentance out of love. If a person changes out of fear that he will be caught and punished, that is still real teshuvah, but it is not as complete as the one who genuinely changes from within and so embraces a new set of values that he cannot envision himself willfully repeating the wrong. Such a case of repentance out of love is the highest form of teshuvah. Still, repentance out of fear, though not as noble, is still real.
We could learn much from these categories not just about how to seek forgiveness but also about how to grant it. God can distinguish between truly deliberate rebellion and a weakness to temptation or just slipping up. He does not treat them the same, and neither should we. Similarly we should strive to grant true selicha – complete forgiveness to others that allows them to feel pure. Still, we all have been hurt in ways for which it is hard to forgive so completely. Yet we can still, like God, forego seeking to inflict a punishment and accept their attempts at restitution so that they and we can move forward in our lives. Finally, if God is willing to accept imperfect repentance, even repentance done for the wrong reasons, then so should we.